Then dust yourself off and try again

[xperceniol_sal]

Yeah, the "mood altering drugs" do change the brain for good so its better to NOT start them in the first place so I do think you both are fortunate and I'm trying to come off of a lot and hopefully one day be free from the prison of medication.

EDIT: I meant NOT - typo city today.

[UCyborg]

Sometimes I wonder if reality would be more bearable if I was intoxicated at all times rather than experiencing raw brutal as-is version.

Today, a school shooting happened in Graz. It already got an entry on Wikipedia! I wonder if the shooter was genitally mutilated. If so, I completely get it. Someone had to pay for that crime. If not, well, who says supposed victims weren't scum anyway? Never presume innocence in other people. Don't be fooled by fake smiles and other facade.

[The-10-Pen]

I wonder if the shooter was genitally mutilated.

Knowing/reading your other online posts, are you seriously suggesting that the school shooting boils down to Biblical "Jew versus Gentile" ???

[xperceniol_sal]

I don't know, I'm 'cut' and I guess I just know nothing else and I rarely think about it.

EDIT: Ok I just read the Wikipedia and I guess he said (the shooter) was a victim of bullying a that school that he never graduated from. I was bullied all through school for being autistic and gay and effeminate and I never shot up a place, but this shit does stick with you and till this day I remember all the bullies names and I hope they suffered in life for tearing down my self-esteem. That being said, that experience made me more empathetic to teen bullying and who knows what turns a victim into a killer. Ok, I won't lie I would've loved to beat the shit out of them till this day in public but that is about it; but I'd love to spit on their graves.

Sorry needed to fix mistakes because that made me a bit emotional.

[The-10-Pen]

Well, at the risk of alienating myself from new friends, I shall only say this once.
I too was bullied as a kid. THANKFULLY !!!
Yes, you heard that correctly !!!
It's a hard knock life. Jay Z -- www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEMLhZrZs5U

There comes a point in life where all YOU do to YOURSELF is hold yourself back if all you EVER do is look in the rear view mirror and claim victimhood.

As an ADULT, I *LOVE* that I was bullied as a kid !!!
One of the *greatest* lessons of life I've ever had to live through !!!
D@mn straight I mean every word of it !!!

Where the H#LL would I be now if I lived in a PLASTIC BUBBLE growing up with ZERO TOLERANCE POLICIES ???
Don't answer that! I'll answer it for you - I'd still be a CHILD not able to be an ADULT, that's where I would be.

That's my two cents. So the h#ll what if I was bullied as a CHILD. That says NOTHING about my ADULTHOOD.
I am no victim and I will never play that card!

[xperceniol_sal]

...Well, at the risk of alienating myself from new friends...

Well ... you won't alienate me; I appreciate an honest opinion and you had a lot of good points - Being stuck in the past sucks and I wish I didn't have PTSD.

[UCyborg]

I don't think you can learn anything of value by being surrounded by low-lives. I certainly didn't take anything from annoying morons back at school. There was a classmate back at elementary school that had problems with both other classmates and teachers. They must have seen her as the odd one. I didn't. My bother randomly encountered her in recent times, they must have exchanged couple of words. She remembered me for being peaceful, calm and not having any conflicts with her. Well, it doesn't take much to not be a prick, does it?

Being stuck in the past sucks and I wish I didn't have PTSD.

I feel ya. Time doesn't heal all wounds and what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger, may just leave you messed up. We all have different breaking points.

In relation to what I wrote above, I feel like I've been surrounded by primitives my whole life and civilization is still stuck in ancient times. I certainly think it would be much better to be around people from who you can learn something valuable. Perhaps in another reality...

Knowing/reading your other online posts, are you seriously suggesting that the school shooting boils down to Biblical "Jew versus Gentile" ???

If it sounded anything like it, it's coincidental, I distance myself from religions and their texts.



It's a hypothetical what if such an act really accomplishes greater good in the grand scheme. Perhaps things really are as bad, history certainly never inspired confidence.

I don't know the solution. On one hand, one becomes the monster he despises by stooping on that level. Although death strikes me as a more merciful punishment for someone that has harmed others, because he won't be there paying the price in person. On other hand, a whole lot more prisons may have to be built if there was such a thing as true justice.

I don't know, I'm 'cut' and I guess I just know nothing else and I rarely think about it.

I don't have to make a conscious decision, the thoughts bleed through no matter what I do. There is no escape and no relief. As a child, I thought something was odd, but couldn't point the finger at it. I felt something was inconsistent compared to other body parts. There is also this strangely persistent, blurry, but nevertheless persistent childhood memory, me just sitting in the bath tub, looking down there, possibly confused. What's the significance? Why I'm not remembering something else instead, like one of the places from family trips?

Back in the elementary school, I had this thought that I'm going to die when I grow up. I was convinced I want to die because adult life oughtta be lame. I don't recall thinking any specifics at the time, like the bills, I just saw death.

I found out what happened when researching sexy things in early 20s. Turned out I already died in 1995. The belief that my body was like how I was born was a lie. It explained the disconnect I feel with my supposed "private" parts since forever. The random pain impulses, the pale zombified appearance, impaired function...that such practice exists, that my parent that is so for truth and honesty handed me over to a monster and kept that from me, then I read on the internet (!!!) I was butchered and part of me thrown in the fucking trash. Hippocratic Oath, "My body, my choice", the constitution, all just empty words written on paper.

So as a surviving piece of trash, I crawl through the existence on this prison planet, waiting for it all to end.