Then dust yourself off and try again

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 21 Nov 2025, 00:06

Just on auto-pilot as of late and I don't know if I'm coming or going ... all I can say is dust yourself off and try try again (keep going). I simply have no words - sorry.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 24 Nov 2025, 22:22

xperceniol_sal wrote: ↑16 Nov 2025, 22:38 I try to be (somewhat) engaging when I'm around people but I fail miserably. Even when I smile its fake but what else to do but fake it even if you aren't making it.

It's rare that I'm talkative. It happened but it's all in the past and under specific circumstances. Adulthood is rather lame, not much to make of it.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 25 Nov 2025, 01:52

I'm only talkative online but in person I only speak when spoken to. Well at 53 (will be 54 in May) I'm not EVEN CLOSE to the person I once was growing up. Yeah, adulthood is just mundane; to me anyway. I was very outgoing in my late teens and early 20's until I had a severe mental breakdown that resulted in me becoming an agoraphobic with very very severe social anxiety and suicidal depression.

Sorry about the short message but I typed a long message and accidentally hit the back button and lost it. I'll try to write more later. Have a good one.

EDIT:

Ok I just thought of something. UCyborg ... and anybody else ... you are more than welcome to vent about anything in my thread. ANYTHING! If that helps you to get crap off your shoulders - sometimes I need to do that too. I don't always have the answers or any solid advice other than 'from the heart' advice and I do care; know that.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 27 Nov 2025, 22:09

Venting never addresses its cause.

Recent news said 53% voters on recent referendum voted against the euthanasia legalization law. Guess we're dying in pain and agony.

It also said Slovenes are dying out. Maybe anti-natalism is catching on?

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 27 Nov 2025, 23:45

UCyborg wrote: ↑27 Nov 2025, 22:09...Guess we're dying in pain and agony...

Hate to say it, but I do get it. Existing hurts.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 28 Nov 2025, 15:55

UCyborg wrote: ↑27 Nov 2025, 22:09...euthanasia legalization law....

Sorry ... I was in a dark place yesterday but I feel better now and I DO want to say I"m (truly) sorry you're in such a dark place that you're even thinking of such. I get it though; but still, bad for the psyche ... I hope you will manage to find a bright spot to grasp on to to lift your spirit even a little to get you by. As I say, I know that dark place more than you realize.

-Mister Blobfish

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 30 Nov 2025, 22:02

It would be only for terminally ill. Still progress I guess.

They'll never let anyone go for say, not feeling like being here, have to keep the system going.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 02 Dec 2025, 23:25

I watched Building the PERFECT Linux PC with Linus Torvalds recently.

Linus Torvalds wrote:People are strange and you can't fix people.

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 03 Dec 2025, 11:16

I prefer --> Be Weird! Because normal isn't working!

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 04 Dec 2025, 02:18

I'm glad I'm not "normal" ... I'm strange and I"m not ashamed to admit it

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 05 Dec 2025, 23:54

I could use some normal. Sick of people and their weird bullshit.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 06 Dec 2025, 22:35

I know and I don't deal all that with others drama either. I'd settle for bliss lol.....

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 07 Dec 2025, 22:47

I feel like I'm the only (closer to) normal person around and everyone else is nuts. Just automatons running some script. The thing when someone feels like they want to die and reactions of people around...c'mon, I mean honestly, no one gives a damn about anyone, the supposed "caring" in such situation is just a script to give the appearance of "caring" and "doing the right thing".

One thing about that video, Linus said he's not people person. How do such people end up with a partner and sometimes even children? Makes no sense.

The workplace organized something after work last Friday, going bowling and to the restaurant. Thought I won't go at first 'cause what's the point, but I did. Never tried bowling before. Somehow started OK, but ended up last at the end (pointwise). I don't even know how I feel about the whole thing or if I had fun...it just was...

Being in the restaurant afterwards was terrible. We were there for over 3 hours. So that's 3 hours of staring at the wall and listening to noise. And I had to use bathroom few times despite not much accumulating in the bladder in the first place, but the feeling was terrible.

Alone with my thoughts again for the weekend that would probably be spent in dark places entirely, I ended up installing Linux Mint 22.2 on my laptop to replace the old Ubuntu 16.04 install. I haven't booted that installation in a while and I don't think I'd mess with it again. Deleted Android (Bliss OS 11 to be exact) partition too, the version I had was too much for this laptop anyway. Maybe I'll buy some more RAM for it one of these days.

Was on the desktop PC for a short time, mostly just to copy some stuff to external disk. Thought it went kaput when it didn't come from sleep, sounded like not all fans started up and was stuck. It came back after powering it off and back on. I think this happened once or twice in the past. Who knows, if it makes it to April next year, it will be 17 years old.

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 07 Dec 2025, 23:19

My oldest turned 20yrs old this month.
Has two 17" monitors - SQUARE 4:3s.
I've had kids see them and think they are "futuristic" and 'fold in the middle'.
I have to show them that they are TWO monitors and that ALL monitors were SQUARE before they were born.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 08 Dec 2025, 20:41

My Dell Dimension 3000 also turned 19 and it still works fine just very very slow with only 2GB of RAM lol

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 09 Dec 2025, 19:45

That laptop I have also has 2 GB of RAM and 256 MB of that is for onboard graphics. Might look into expanding one of these days. If I can still find something for it. It's 11 years old, so not as hopeless. Just hasn't been a priority as I tend to mostly use one computer.

I didn't use the old smartphone (which I mostly use only to give the desktop PC access to the internet) for 3 days, been left at 70%, standby, airplane mode, today I find the battery at 0%. There goes the uptime.

Started with these little less than 2 hours ago:

Code: Select all

BYPASS_VCHG_LOOP_DEBOUNCER=0
CAPACITY=1
CHARGE_FULL=2466000
CHARGE_FULL_DESIGN=2330000
CHARGING_ENABLED=1
CURRENT_NOW=-437828
CYCLE_COUNT=165
HEALTH=Good
INPUT_CURRENT_MAX=500000
INPUT_CURRENT_SETTLED=0
INPUT_CURRENT_TRIM=37
INPUT_VOLTAGE_REGULATION=0
ONLINE=1
PRESENT=1
STATUS=Charging
SYSTEM_TEMP_LEVEL=0
TECHNOLOGY=Li-ion
TEMP=186
TEMP_COOL=150
TEMP_WARM=450
VOLTAGE_MAX_DESIGN=4200000
VOLTAGE_MIN=4300000
VOLTAGE_MIN_DESIGN=4300000
VOLTAGE_NOW=3694333
VOLTAGE_OCV=-22

CURRENT_NOW=0.44 Amps
VOLTAGE_NOW=3.69 Volts

Now:

Code: Select all

BYPASS_VCHG_LOOP_DEBOUNCER=0
CAPACITY=30
CHARGE_FULL=2467000
CHARGE_FULL_DESIGN=2330000
CHARGING_ENABLED=1
CURRENT_NOW=-387885
CYCLE_COUNT=165
HEALTH=Good
INPUT_CURRENT_MAX=500000
INPUT_CURRENT_SETTLED=0
INPUT_CURRENT_TRIM=37
INPUT_VOLTAGE_REGULATION=0
ONLINE=1
PRESENT=1
STATUS=Charging
SYSTEM_TEMP_LEVEL=0
TECHNOLOGY=Li-ion
TEMP=205
TEMP_COOL=150
TEMP_WARM=450
VOLTAGE_MAX_DESIGN=4200000
VOLTAGE_MIN=4300000
VOLTAGE_MIN_DESIGN=4300000
VOLTAGE_NOW=3964828
VOLTAGE_OCV=-22

CURRENT_NOW=0.39 Amps
VOLTAGE_NOW=3.96 Volts
POWER_NOW=1.54 Watts

CHARGE_TYPE=USB

battery/online:1
usb/online:1

The laptop's battery is especially funky, particularly the battery meter, seems percent meter goes down slower than it should and then it suddenly jumps to 5%. The battery lasts for 2 hours at most.

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 09 Dec 2025, 19:56

I have an emergency-use-only prepaid phone that not even my family has the number!
I get NINE MONTHS on one battery charge.
Dead serious, the thing is never turned on except to add my three-month prepaid minutes, for traveling GPS, and the like.

Speaking of D#MN phones!
Do you "phone people" not HEAR how CRAPPY those things sound ???
I'm at a local Mexican restaurant and three people are sitting watching MOVIES on their PHONE while they wait for their lunch.
I HAD TO GET UP AND MOVE SEATS !!!
Teany Tiny Tinny sound!
Seriously, how BORED and or *ADDICTED* to a phone do you need to be to watch a MOVIE on it and listen to that teany tiny TIN-CAN sound ???

Unread post by **Duke** » 09 Dec 2025, 20:51

My DELL Vostro 200 is 17 years old and still alive and kicking. AFAIK, because I gave it to a relative who hasn't called me yet about a problem with it.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 10 Dec 2025, 21:58

Yeah, not much to expect from those speakers. I wouldn't even be doing these out public, it's just not the right place. And there's better equipment for these things at home.

A while back, Visual Studio 2022 at work prompted that there is an update. I wondered if I should do it or just leave it. Especially on dead and unsupported Win10 1809.

It's International Human Rights day. Good for those that have them I guess.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 11 Dec 2025, 19:10

I may have missed it, what type of speakers are you using? I'm getting by with my HP Speakers on my Dell and they sound good enough, and if I want better quality I'd rather just use better headphones.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 11 Dec 2025, 22:53

I was referring to speakers on smartphones (responding to The-10-Pen).

It was many years ago since I used proper speakers with computer. I'm use headphones most of the time.

UCyborg · Unread post by **UCyborg** » 14 Dec 2025, 21:26

It's cold and foggy outside. And Monday is coming. Ugh, from warm bed to cold and brutal reality.

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 15 Dec 2025, 00:58

UCyborg wrote: ↑14 Dec 2025, 21:26 It's cold and foggy outside. And Monday is coming. Ugh, from warm bed to cold and brutal reality.

I hope you have a good week ahead. I will admit ... reality can certainly smack you in the face sometimes.

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 15 Dec 2025, 08:32

The secret to a successful life - make MONDAY your FAVORITE day of the week!

xperceniol_sal · Unread post by **xperceniol_sal** » 17 Dec 2025, 01:09

I figured I'd take the chance to write this evening.

I'm actually doing very well tapering off the Valium. I was at 12.5 MG a day and now I'm down and holding steady on 2.5 MG a day and this is amazing for me. My stress level(s) have allowed me to do such. My anxiety is still there but hasn't been too bad. I'm playing Christmas music now to try to get in the spirit and I plan each day for 9 more Christmas songs in RebBeam's thread until the 25th. I guess I do miss my old friends from MSFN and I'm currently locked out of that forum ... but I understand people change and need to move forward in their own lives seeing they are very young with their whole lives ahead of them and I'm too old. I feel abandoned though still I feel like I did something wrong to chase them away. I have 1 online friend I chat with most every day and without him I'd be very lonely. I know this is a busy time of year for some folks that need to buy gifts ... so glad I don't have to do that.

Anyways, I feel the agoraphobia kicking my butt lately and when I do go out I can't wait to get back home where I'm safe from the harsh society. I'm too timid for this world. I can't help that I'm sensitive guy.

I like Monday. Sometimes the days blend into each-other now. I guess I'm glad I'm far removed from society as I don't fit in anymore and I'm too old to change - and I really don't what to change for other people - I need to just be "me" take me or leave me.

Ok, its about 8:10PM and I plan to watch TV and maybe play some games on the computers. This computer is on its last legs and its 'any day' for it. I do have my Dell Dimension 3000 that is in great shape because it doesn't get much use, but with only 2 GB of RAM its hard to enjoy anything worth while and adjusting the pagefile doesn't seem to do much so I let the XP handle the pagefile. Browsing the web is tricky. I use Arctic Foxie 360 and Mypal68.14.7 on that one as I plan to stick with XUL for the foreseeable future. Someday they want me on a smart phone and I don't want one ... I'd prefer to keep my ancient flip phone for the rest of my life but the association doesn't like people to use a computer and I'm one of very few allowed to do such here and I know not to break the trust.

Today I'm in a lot of pain but mentally I feel strong and (somewhat) positive and I hope it lasts.

I hope others here are managing as best as can be. Never give up - Give in but don't give up.

cloudstr · Unread post by **cloudstr** » 17 Dec 2025, 06:19

xperceniol_sal wrote: ↑17 Dec 2025, 01:09 I use Arctic Foxie 360 and Mypal68.14.7 on that one as I plan to stick with XUL for the foreseeable future

Understandable, but i suggest you update Mypal to version 74.1.3 (v74.1.4 having issues loading videos in private mode). I noticed atleast 10% to 20% improvement in performance, pages load faster and more responsive than v68.14.x

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 17 Dec 2025, 07:58

This is on my *2007* oldest-holdout computer. Intel Core2 Quad Q6700 @ 2.66 GHz with 4 GB RAM.

360Chrome v13.5 and Mypal 68.14.7 both score between 29.4 and 32.6 on Speedometer 2.1.
Within margin of error of each other but Mypal 68 is *slightly* faster.
BUT... Mypal has to use quite a bit MORE RAM. Also Mypal MEMORY LEAKS if not closed periodically.
BUT... 360Chrome has to run the CPU at a HIGHER PERCENTAGE. Not by much, but higher is higer.

Slight trade off. I personally prefer 360Chrome.

: 2025-12-17_2-39-44.jpg (194.31 KiB) Viewed 38 times

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 17 Dec 2025, 08:18

Here is what I get pitting Mypal 68.14.7 directly with 74.1.3.
As far as CPU and RAM goes, the two are IDENTICAL, no significant difference.

Speedometer 2.1 goes from 32.4 to 33.6 on my 18yr old Q6700.
No real performance gain, in my opinion.
BUT... YES, 74.1.3 does score EVER SO SLIGHTLY higher than both Mypal 68.14.7 *and* 360Chrome v13.5.

However, in my view, the difference in performance is so SLIGHT that *personal preference* between all three should be the deciding factor.
Which GUI do you like best? Which feel more "ergonomic" to your usage? et cetera...

: 2025-12-17_3-09-42.jpg (200.74 KiB) Viewed 32 times

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 17 Dec 2025, 08:34

For me, all three basically run neck-in-neck.
TERRIBLY SLOW on this 18yr old Q6700, but all-in-all, neck-in-neck.
Mypal 68 is always the slowest of the three.
Run tests back to back and the score fluctuates enough that 360Chrome v13.5 will "win" one time, but Mypal 74.1.3 will "win" the next time.

Here is 360Chrome v13.5's Speedometer 2.1's score.
Will fluctuate anywere from 29.4 to 33.7.

: 2025-12-17_3-29-11.jpg (115.19 KiB) Viewed 24 times

The-10-Pen · Unread post by **The-10-Pen** » 17 Dec 2025, 08:46

Here is my main point.
This 18yr old Q6700 has had Win98, Win2k, WinXP x86 SP2 and SP3, WinXP x64 SP2, Win7 Enterprise, Win10 1511, and Win10 1607.

A browser's performance is NOT dependent on the version of Windows!
What *IS* important is what browsers are **AVAILABLE** for each version of Windows!
In XP x86, in XP x64, in Win7 Enterprise, in Win10 1511, in Win10 1607, a given web browser is all but IDENTICAL *no matter the OS it is ran on!*

Upgrading even this 18yr old Q6700 to **WINDOWS 10** really has been the *BEST* route for "browser performance".
Yeah, still my SLOWEST computer... But *MORE THAN TWO AND A HALF TIMES "FASTER"*...

: 2025-12-17_3-40-16.jpg (113.36 KiB) Viewed 20 times

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